HUMOR COLUMN
The Flip Side
Published: Jun 10, 2007
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Thinking out loud until it started to hurt
Roger Clemens missed his scheduled first start for the Yankees because of "groin fatigue." What a coincidence. Same problem as A-Rod.
Speaking of New York's favorite whipping boy, it turns out his alleged blond bombshell stripper friend, Joslyn Morse, attended Regis High School in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, the same alma mater as Scripture-quoting NFL quarterback Kurt Warner and 2007 Masters champ Zach Johnson. That should answer any questions on small-town diversity.
Detroit Tigers designated hitter and sociologist Gary Sheffield says MLB prefers Latin players over equally talented blacks because they are easier to control. No wonder Rosie O'Donnell was cut after a brief career in "A League Of Their Own."
Former NFL player Bob Buczkowski, 43, has pleaded guilty to helping run a million-dollar prostitution ring with his girlfriend out of his parents' suburban Pittsburgh home. Are you like me and figure that made for some really interesting family Thanksgiving dinners?
Newly acquired receiver Randy Moss is predicting big things now that he has joined the New England Patriots. Early reports are he's actually willing to play.
Middle East television news station Al Jazeera applied for, but was refused, media credentials to cover the Stanley Cup final. Apparently station officials received a news tip that a bunch of Senators were about to get torched.
NCAA president Myles Brand says he's receptive to a proposal by the football issues committee that would eliminate redshirting but extend player eligibility in the sport to five years - or three arrests, which ever comes first.
While completing his recent 60-day jail sentence, records show that the Chicago Bears' Tank Johnson spent $700 on junk food from the facility's commissary, including 162 beef sticks, 40 honey bun sweet rolls, 35 summer sausages blocks and 35 bags of barbecue chips. Good grief. No wonder NFL commissioner Roger Goodell suspended him for eight games.
American Olympic gold medal-winning swimmer Amanda Beard appears in this month's Playboy magazine, headlined as "The world's sexiest athlete nude" if you don't count Terrell Owens always showing his butt.
Former baseball slugger and drug czar Jose Canseco continues to pitch the idea of a TV reality show, "Win a Day with Jose," where participants compete for the chance to join him doing whatever it is the guy does. Five reality shows you'll see before Jose's:
"Michael Vick's Dog Whisperer"
"Sponge Bathing John Madden"
"Bruce Allen, America's Next Great Comedian"
"Cooking Right With John Daly"
"Devil Rays Got Talent"
Dwight Bernard, a former principal at Miami Northwestern High School, has been indicted on charges he failed to report on-campus sex crimes to protect a star running back who eventually led his team to a state title. On second thought, maybe I don't blame Nick Saban for leaving town after all.
Barry Bonds is nursing shin splints, which begs a question: Don't you have to run to get those?
Former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson reports an interest in acting work in Bollywood movies, the Hindi-language film industry in India. Why not? He's been playing a cartoon character for years.
Upset by the Dolphins' refusal to allow him to only participate in individual drills, quarterback Daunte Culpepper walked off the practice field during minicamp and vowed to block the team's plans to trade him. He was immediately banned from coaching in the NBA for five years .
LPGA star Annika Sorenstam scolded teenager Michelle Wie for showing a "lack of respect and class" to the game. Then Sorenstam really got nasty and took away mall privileges.
